Bachelor Nation
Rachael Kirkconnell’s 8 Most Shocking Revelations About Matt James Split in ‘Call Her Daddy’ Interview
Nearly two weeks after Matt James shocked Bachelor Nation by revealing that he and Rachael Kirkconnell had broken up, she told her side of the story on the Call Her Daddy podcast. The Bachelor alum answered all of host Alex Cooper‘s burning questions about what happened and how she’s doing now.
The conversation lasted nearly two hours and featured a slew of revelations about the pair’s relationship and how things went down when it ended during a trip to Tokyo. Kirkconnell pinpointed the fight the two had that led to the eventual split, as well as the shocking way she found out about his Instagram post announcing the breakup news.
Scroll down for all the biggest revelations from Kirkconnell’s Call Her Daddy interview.
1. Did Matt James cheat on Rachael Kirkconnell?
Kirkconnell is adamant that there was no infidelity in their relationship. “I know to this day and I even see this online now, he’s not a cheater,” she confirmed. “I never actually had to worry about him cheating on me.”
However, there were times when she was admittedly “insecure” in the relationship, especially in the first year when they got back together following their brief breakup while The Bachelor was airing (during which they were still speaking, Kirkconnell revealed). The insecurity stemmed from Kirkconnell finding out that James was messaging another girl and trying to meet up with her while he was still spending time with his Bachelor final pick.
Although she eventually forgave him and they got back together, Kirkconnell said she “had a hard time trusting” James once they reconciled. “I’m just asking myself, ‘Are you still doing this?'” she recalled.
2. They never lived together
Despite being together for almost four years, James and Kirkconnell never actually lived together. The exes split their time between Atlanta, Miami, and New York, but never had a place that they shared. “He said that he didn’t want to live together until we were married,” the Georgia native explained. “He’s a very religious man, so I was like, ‘That’s OK, I can do that.’ But at the same time I’m a little confused because we’re still traveling together, staying in the same hotel.'”
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Kirkconnell said “it was like we were living together,” but where they stayed in Atlanta was her place, while he had his own places in Miami and New York, rather than somewhere they actually shared. At the time, Kirkconnell said she was probably “trying to justify” why the situation made sense. “It did feel like we were living together [in Atlanta], but at the end of the day, it was my place,” she explained. “Looking back, it was probably a red flag, but I just tried to tell myself it was OK.”
3. The fight that led to the breakup
James and Kirkconnell were in Tokyo when they split. According to Kirkconnell, they were “talking about engagement” leading up to the trip, but things fell apart while they were away. It all started when Kirkconnell was choosing a restaurant for them to eat dinner at. She said she started feeling “overwhelmed” while picking a place since their original plans got canceled and James is a major social media foodie. The restaurant she ended up choosing was a “disappointment,” which made Kirkconnell upset since she was also “cranky, tired and on [her] period.”
Kirkconnell said she shed two quick tears at dinner over the situation and that the rest of the meal was mostly silent. Back at the hotel, Kirkconnell could tell her partner “was not very comforting.” When she confronted him about it, he said he was confused about why Kirkconnell got so upset over a situation that “was not that serious.” She recalled, “He was concerned about me getting so upset. He was like, ‘There’s no reason for you to get upset like that,’ and he found it concerning that I got that emotional, I guess. He was trying to express to me, ‘If you get emotional over little things like this, what are you going to do when something terrible happens. How are you going to react?'”
4. Why Matt and Rachael broke up
Kirkconnell said “everything was fine” by the time they went to bed and in the morning, which is why she wound up being so “blindsided” when James broke up with her later that day. While they were heading to get food, Kirkconnell said James “kind of snapped” at her because she was “bothering” him. The interaction led her to get angry, but at the time, she thought they were just annoyed at each other and getting irritated over “little things.”
They wound up getting in an argument on the street, which opened a “can of worms” back at the hotel: “He kind of let out everything that I guess he had been feeling for awhile. He said that, at the end of the day, there were qualities about me that he worries about having in a wife. There are things that we aren’t compatible with.”
James’ “main thing” was that he felt Kirkconnell wasn’t able to take “accountability” and had a hard time admitting she was wrong during arguments. However, looking back at their relationship, she said she felt like she was often the one who ended up apologizing, even when she had been mad in the first place.
5. Matt backtracked on proposal plans
Kirkconnell said she started wondering “where [the relationship] was going” during her and James’ third year of dating. “He seemed like he was on the same page,” she said. “It’s confusing to look back on now. When we would talk about things, he always seemed like he was on the same page, privately and publicly.”
She said they “talked about family and kids more than anything,” and that James even told her to start looking at rings “a few months ago.” Although Kirkconnell admitted that she noticed there were times when James “felt the weight of marriage really heavily,” she said they were talking about getting engaged leading up to their Tokyo vacation.
However, when James dumped her just days later, he told her, “I should be ready to propose to you at this point, but I still don’t feel like I’m ready. I don’t know if I ever see myself proposing to you. I can’t actually see myself married to you.”
6. How she found out about the breakup post
Kirkconnell was always planning on leaving Tokyo a day before James to go to a baby shower. The day of the breakup, she got on a plane to go home and received a text message from a friend about James’ Instagram post — which he shared just two hours after their conversation — right before taking off. Due to phone issues, she couldn’t connect to Wi-Fi on the flight, so after she quickly saw the post, she was disconnected for a 12-hour flight.
“He didn’t even text me to give him a warning,” Kirkconnell shared, adding that she’s “mad” at how James handled the situation.
7. They’ve spoken since the breakup
“I have spoken with him since all of that and I do know that he definitely acknowledges that [posting about it] was not the right decision,” Kirkconnell shared.
About four or five days after the breakup, Kirkconnell had a missed call from her ex and returned it later on. “He just asked how I was doing,” she revealed. “I confronted him about the post, like, that really sucked. That’s when he was like, ‘I fully admit I could’ve handled this a lot better,’ and he apologized.”
The conversation lasted for “over an hour,” but, she added, “He’s called me every few days to make sure I’m OK, but I told him he doesn’t need to do that.” While they didn’t discuss their plans for communication in the future, she said she thinks “no contact” is the best move for her.
Despite the hurt she felt, Kirkconnell insisted that James isn’t a “bad guy” and wasn’t “inconsiderate of [her] feelings.”
8. Could they get back together?
“I don’t think I can, which is sad,” Kirkconnell admitted. “When someone says those things he said like, ‘I don’t see us getting married, I don’t think you’re my person,’ I think that’s when you call it quits. Just the way he handled all of this, his post and everything, I forgive him, but I feel like he disrespected me at the end of the day. It’s just one of those things where you have to stand up for yourself.”
